when God shuts a door, he opens a window...

written 4/15/16 (don't know why I waited so long to post it)

PRECURSOR: this isn't meant to sound whiney

okay. so this has been a rough little bit. I'm still working on making that lemonade.

It just appears that despite my best efforts things go wrong, and tragedies happen.

To start it off, if you have read my past few posts, you know that this has been a crazy semester, and that I bit off way more than I could chew. 

Then a few weeks ago general conference, and I feel like that was the 

{here comes the unintentional drama} 

end of the light. haha. 

I don't know if it's always darkest before the dawn, or if the darkness tries to destroy the light, but right after that, things just started going down hill.

First of all, we (paige and I) went to California and it was raining. Not a big deal, 

so we decided to make the best of it and just go all out.

We went on our way to disneyland and about two blocks from the entrance, we got rear ended. 

It was't anything too serious, but it is still just a shocking experience. 

we traded info and decided to go to disneyland anyway.

(okay so I know this is where i sound like a spoiled brat complaining on my disney trip)

it was such a fun day! The weather was perfect! it was a chill day spent with some of my best friends. 

Then we hick fixed the trunk with a scarf... haha GREAT! haha and made the drive to san diego. 

In San Diego the whiplash kicked in, but it was all alright, nothing a little pilates and relaxing couldn't fix. We spend the day doing a little homework, went to the beach, despite the clouds, and then went to the hot tub at my sisters. Great day! I mostly just remember being so tired! haha and we topped it off watching the longest ride! 

Then the following day we decided to get on our way and went to Santa Monica! I love Santa Monica! We went to third street and walked around, did a little shopping, and walked around the beach and the pier! It was such a great day with Ashley & Kurt, and Paige! We got some dinner and then got back on the road for Vegas. 

On Sunday we met up with a kid from my mission, e'Marshall and his friend and then went home for a lovely home cooked meal! and got on the road. The traffic was bad but we were fine to just chill and be together. But then the strangest thing occurred. My jaw literally locked. I couldn't open my mouth without extreme pain. So that was fun.

We get home and FINALS WEEK GETS GOING! 

every day is jam packed and there are just more and more things that I need to get done. File the claim for the car accident, pay my taxes, do all my other home work and papers and interviews and studying and work and blalhhhhhh. It was a bit stressful trying to get it all going.

In the mix of this all, I start to realize there is almost no way I can get into my major. 

Then come the reading days. I study all I can, but I have a total of 10.5 hours of work and 2 hours of driving time. So studying time was substantially diminished. When I finally had time to get studying I felt actually really confident about all that I had studied. I kept going for a few more hours after this point, and then called it a night. 

This morning I woke up bright and early in a great mood. Ready to take this test and do pretty well. We got there and got the test and for the first 25-ish questions, I felt really confident, and then I got clicked into my fatigue and I couldn't read! haha I went to the bathroom, put on some essential oils, did some jumps and stretches to get my brain going and sat back down and started to drink my coke. Oh... did I mention walking to my test the joys of life began.. *wink*

SO my brain started to work again and I finished my test, I was feeling pretty confident about the answers I put, expecting roughly the same score of my first two tests. Then the cramps come and my ability to study died. I went to Olivia's house to take a nap, and when I woke up to study, I was doing pretty well and I saw that the Econ scores were posted! So I was pretty excited to see! 

Turns out I bombed it. 

It is now starting to sink in a little more every second that something about this path that I'm on isn't right. So I have been searching for some other options of life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

So I am working to find the window that is open, waiting for me to jump through.