i want it that way.

now don't laugh at my naivety 

but because of who I am, and the ideas

I allowed to stay in my head

and just the way I turned out, 

I have lived my life thinking that if I want something, I shouldn't let myself have it.

And this was a sacrifice

and it was good.

I think this came because I am a planner

and when you plan everything in your life everyday since you are 10

things aren't going to go your way

so you are faced with letting go a lot of your desires.

But lately I have taken it too far. 

I have made myself believe that if I want something, 

it isn't what is right and I should do something that "sounds" better.

And it has been really hard to be happy, because I constantly push off what I want.

Good wants are great!

I have wonderful desires.

I just need to let myself have them. 

And I think because of this I have become a control freak.

That on the less important things, I control too much because I "lost" control of everything else.

So I'm going to let myself have everything I have wanted.

I am going to seek true inspiration and follow my gut.

I am going to work hard and obtain this vision I placed in front

 of my eyes when I was a little girl, because it is a beautiful life I saw and desire.

wish me luck

xoxo

mandy