Alterations...
Well, I have decided that because I get to go and have new experiences with new people and begin the portion of my life that I have control over, I should define the things that make me me, or at least the things that I want to make me who I am. So I guess I am re-defining who Amanda Susann Clearwater, born July 12, 1994 is.
The only problem is... I don't know where to start? Do I scratch all that I am and then create a new person? Or do I just take away the things I don't like about me? Or do I write down every thing that I think "defines me," see who that person is and then turn that into who I hope to be?
I guess that wasn't the only problem. I have also realized there are some things about me that other people really don't like. And I know I shouldn't be trying to mold to what people want me to be, but I want people to be comfortable being around me. And sure, I'd just change it, but some of these things I really like about myself, or I'm not quite ready to let go of.
I guess what I'm wanting me to be, is someone people can relate to and feel comfortable around. Them to be willing to come to me with anything and trust that I won't judge them and I will listen and try to help them. And I want them to be comfortable turning to me for advice, and for me to be able to have the comfort and knowledge to give it. I want to be a server, which is totally against my natural man but it's something I desperately want and need. I want to be able to have grueling conversations with people without offense being taken, because it is never intended, but that isn't very possible, so I need to learn to hold back that part of me unless I know the other person will feel comfortable. I want to be strongly grounded in the gospel of Christ. That is the number one thing in my life that will always define who I am. I want to be a follower of Christ. I want to be real, always. Never trying to convince people that I am something that I am not. If I want someone to think something about me, I am really going to become that thing. And I want to be perfectly comfortable in my skin at all times, never caring if someone doesn't like who I am as long as I know I was being the person I want to be.
The only problem is... I don't know where to start? Do I scratch all that I am and then create a new person? Or do I just take away the things I don't like about me? Or do I write down every thing that I think "defines me," see who that person is and then turn that into who I hope to be?
I guess that wasn't the only problem. I have also realized there are some things about me that other people really don't like. And I know I shouldn't be trying to mold to what people want me to be, but I want people to be comfortable being around me. And sure, I'd just change it, but some of these things I really like about myself, or I'm not quite ready to let go of.
I guess what I'm wanting me to be, is someone people can relate to and feel comfortable around. Them to be willing to come to me with anything and trust that I won't judge them and I will listen and try to help them. And I want them to be comfortable turning to me for advice, and for me to be able to have the comfort and knowledge to give it. I want to be a server, which is totally against my natural man but it's something I desperately want and need. I want to be able to have grueling conversations with people without offense being taken, because it is never intended, but that isn't very possible, so I need to learn to hold back that part of me unless I know the other person will feel comfortable. I want to be strongly grounded in the gospel of Christ. That is the number one thing in my life that will always define who I am. I want to be a follower of Christ. I want to be real, always. Never trying to convince people that I am something that I am not. If I want someone to think something about me, I am really going to become that thing. And I want to be perfectly comfortable in my skin at all times, never caring if someone doesn't like who I am as long as I know I was being the person I want to be.
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