social/life "rules"

12/11/15 (again, no holding back, here is another hidden/saved post)

to whom it concerns...

in my experience, "life" only happens when I make it happen.

I guess my biggest issues is the expectation over reality. 

if my life was made up of what I choose it to be...

well, let's just say it would probably be different.

96% of the time, if i want to celebrate, I need to plan the party.

if I want to go on a date, (or if I'm into a guy) I need to ask him 

in other words, if I want people around me, I have to make it happen.

but then, after you've done your half, you have to

 wait for the return, either an acceptance, them showing 

up to the party/gathering, etc. 

and you can't do anything about it. 

you just wait and see.

HOW LAME IS THAT! 

{haha}

I can think of two {probably more} reasons for this.

1. I'm picky with my friends, and so I've gotten good at being alone. 

2. I'm not the type of person people miss, or long to be around.

Now, I don't say this for pity or something like that. It's simply an observation.

the sad irony-ish part is that I don't want to change,

{i was raised to be picky with my friends and the being a person 

people miss, well I don't know how to change/get around that one}

 but I want the outcome to change...

It's like a smoker to say, I don't want to quit smoking, but I don't 

want to get lung cancer.

life is generally "easier" being alone

it is also more secure. 

hah, I have found a way to cut out all insecurities.

anyway, that was a big jumble of thoughts mixed together...